Those wise words from the late Sheikh Zayed made me believe in myself, and believe I had the skills to be part of the first wave of Emirati life coaches.
It is always challenging to express emotions and feelings in the Arab world, especially in Gulf society. People are approachable and willing to give advice from either an elder in the family, a friend or spouse based on their own experiences. However consulting a life coach to know yourself more? To understand what you really need and desire?
Sarah Al Bakeri is an Emirati life coach. Photo courtesy Sarah Al Bakeri.
It’s not a common choice. I am always been fascinated by self-development, and focusing on every single detail in other people’s ways of thinking and also their personalities.
I believe communication and body language can be a magical key. They can show us a way to express our feelings, message, reaction and emotion.
I learned when I was young to sense frustration, happiness, sadness and excitement from someone’s voice, the look of their eyes and even their writing. And since I was young, people have been drawn to me for guidance and advice. In school, I was “Mother Teresa”; at university, I was The Grandmother; and for years now among my friends, I have been “The Problem Solver.”
I believe it is this ability to put myself in other’s shoes that makes me able to understand them without being unnecessarily pushy or to nag. In school and at work, I have pursued a sense of community and have sought to raise cultural awareness about Emiratis with expatriates, realizing along the way that there was a real need for people to be heard, supported and understood, for them to find the tools to bring their values to life.
These tools are to be found in a new science called life coaching, and I realised this was how I could help other people find their “gems.” For I believe that every person has a unique “jewelry.” But because of the demands and grind of daily life and other circumstances, this gem can get dusty. So sometimes, then, we just need someone to help us clean it up and bring out its luster.
This is how I began trying to describe my new path to my Emirati friends and colleagues. But many, despite being educated and knowledgable, have not been quick to embrace the coaching mindset.
It’s been interesting, entering a field that not many people have experienced. But I believe that with time, continuing my own education, and by working hand-in-hand with the growing number of Emirati life coaches, we will be able to spread this magic and make big changes in our community.
Sarah Al Bakeri is an Emirati life coach and a livehealthy.ae expert
]]>During my coaching sessions, I deal with clients who complain about time, their children, their children’s homework, their partners and their lifestyle.
When I ask them a simple question, such as, “What do you want?”, I find them struggling. They want everything, but they don’t want to give it their time and effort. They want smart kids, but they don’t want to help them. They want a successful career and promotion, but they don’t want to pursue the necessary qualifications. They want a “full option” spouse, but they don’t want to accept their weaknesses. They want a perfect life, but they don’t want to accept changes. They want to be happy, but they don’t want to “be happy.”
At the end, it’s your choice. So what do you want? Make up your mind and think carefully before you ask for something. Eventually, for example, if I want to become a successful Emirati life coach, I need to work hard and study outside the regular hours of my job, attend training during weekends and accept time away from friends and family. I will miss out on some big events. But I must believe in what I do, and just let go of the negative feedback I hear. I must be patient and keep smiling, and find alternative ways to stay in touch with my children’s schoolwork and to follow their progress. I must ask for help if I need it, and somewhere along the way also stop trying to be a “Superwoman” who does everything by herself. This person does not exist.
Think of all the things you have in your life and reflect on your choices. Guess what? Your daily energy, behavior and character are your choice. It’s your decision to wake up in the morning and start your day with a smile, despite your children fighting. It’s your choice to work under pressure and give some time to listen to your annoying classmate. It’s your choice to come home after a long day at work and encourage your children to study so they can earn higher scores.
Yes it’s your choice, it’s our choice. We decide on the power and energy we want. A variety of energies are accessible for all human beings. It’s how we exercise them and choose the right one, at the right time, that makes a difference. Like a muscle, energy requires practice, exercise and hard work to get used to.
It’s your choice to be who you want to be now and tomorrow.
]]>The most interesting part for me, though, were the comments, especially some of the more ironic ones. These made me deeply think about some professionals, since LinkedIn is a professional platform. Despite their designations, qualifications, experience, age, etc, it was surprising for me to read those negative lines, which so indicated their personalities, energies and the way they view life. Such comments made me wonder: how are we going to evolve as a species if we cannot “feel” compassion and love for others, including animals? Why do some people focus on what’s wrong instead of what’s right? What would you benefit from writing such a negative comment? How do such words have an impact on you?
Let’s try to give these people the benefit of the doubt, and not be judgmental. Let’s try to use my LinkedIn example to reflect on life in general. Here’s an exercise: can you remember a social situation where you suddenly heard a surprising, unnecessary and silly comment from one of the people present? Take few seconds to feel that moment, and answer these questions. What did you feel in that moment? What conversation were you having with yourself in your mind? Who do you evaluate – the person or the comment? What does this comment tell you about the person?
Sometimes, stupid things happen under some conditions, and some people are kind enough to forgive and forget. However, people genuinely have an immediate perspective after they hear a silly comment. It’s so distracting, annoying and sometimes upsetting to be in that situation where you hear that kind of dialogue. But what if you were the one who made that comment? What if you were the one who leaped to such a negative reply without weighing its effect?
I’m sure that you all agree on the importance of thinking before speaking. The simple word “think” has a beautiful application in the case of such a comment: So before making one, think… Is it…True? Is it…Helpful? Is it…Important? Is it…Necessary? Is it…Kind? This reminds me of a colleague who had a metaphor about a “giraffe.” He used to say: before you blurt out what you want to say, always remember the giraffe’s neck. Imagine taking your words through that tall neck and thinking about them prior to sharing them. This will assure you use the right words.
Finally, remember that what you say – or write in a comment section – will definitely represent who you are, how you see things; it will reflect your skills, your personality and the impact you may have on others. It might be easy for you to say whatever you want, but take a second and remember the effect on those around you. And above all remember, as the Prophet Mohammed said, “Let him speak good or remain silent.”
]]>We all really just want to be seen and heard and acknowledged, something that rarely happens in our workday or day-to-day life.
We live in a world that surprises us daily – and not always in a good way. Whenever I watch TV, especially the news, it pains me to see how other parts of the world are suffering, facing war, hatred, pain, sadness and death. Such a reality has had an indirect impact on us; we hunger for kind words and compliments. We hunger, above all, for acknowledgement.
This was one of the the skills we had to learn during our Coactive Coaching training. We were taught to recognize important values and attributes in our clients, including courage, care, love, passion, intelligence and hard work. We were taught that we needed to be precise in what we saw in them.
In the beginning, when we went through the exercises, it was challenging for me to accept compliments from my colleagues. I wasn’t used to it, and I felt uncomfortable when they acknowledged me in public. It was also challenging for me to acknowledge others, especially when I had to work hard to find their gems.
And when I heard acknowledgements, my reaction was similar to my clients: there were tears, smiles, a nod of head and speechlessness.
Why the emotion? I think because, for all of us, the overwhelming feeling was “finally.” Finally, someone said it, someone noticed our strengths, someone appreciated us, appreciated all our efforts, recognized how loyal we are and how much love we give our family.
So, yes I deserve to hear compliments. Having that experience will help me gain confidence so I can give more, move forward and live a healthy life. Others also deserve to be acknowledged, too, and as a coach, I shall be their mirror to notice their gifts, open their eyes, and draw a smile on their faces.
So why not try complimenting the people around you? And notice how much joy you give when you just acknowledge them and all they do.
Featured photo: Unsplash
]]>“I know what people are saying behind my back.”
“I think she said that to bring me down.”
And so on…
Have you ever built negative assumptions, thoughts, doubts, uncertainties and suspicions about situations or people around you? Take a minute to reflect about what was going on in those moments. Now, how did you feel?
I’ve come across several situations recently where people were living with such negative assumptions.
The alarming part was how much damage they were creating: hard feelings, negativity, poor performance, disappointment, incorrect analysis, sadness, confusion and the accumulation of many other negative emotions toward others. All of that is a result of assumptions based on nothing, made in the complete absence of any credible or reliable information.
I always advise my clients to “clear your book,” and what I mean by that phrase can be summed up in one word: conversation
This simple action of summoning up the courage to face whoever you are making assumptions about, and have a conversation with them, is the path to peace.
It can make your heart happier, your life brighter and put your mind at ease. Make sure you face whoever is troubling you with good intentions, good manners and a willingness to listen to their side. When you listen, listen deeply. Be open on your end too, and share the things that led you to the thoughts and feelings you had.
With this approach, you will soon realize how wrong your assumptions often are. More times than not, they are the result of your own imagination, perspective or inaccurate analysis of situations.
These assumptions can lead to a lot of guilt and regret, especially after discovering that you have wrongfully judged the person. This is why nothing is easier than being honest and authentic, and nothing is simpler than being courageous and gentle.
So make sure to clear your book – and keep it clean.
For more advice, follow Sarah on Instagram.
Featured photo: Unsplash
]]>Close your eyes for few seconds and think of a person or colleague or partner with whom you had a mild conflict. How did you feel? What did you wish to do? What did you want out of this relationship? One common lesson learned from a conflict is what we wish we had said or did from the beginning – rather than what actually happened.
We are all aware of DNA, but fewer people know about DTA, and why it is important in our lives.
As coaches we learn that in creating any relationship within a team, with partners, within a couple or in a family, we must first openly discuss and set solid behavioral agreements. When designing the team alliance, it’s essential to begin to find alignment on the team’s purpose and set a variety of ground rules.
DTA is a very powerful tool to create culture, and to help each member be clear about what their responsibilities are in relation to that agreement.
For example, when it comes to teams in the workplace, what are the agreements in relation to accountability, punctuality, cell phones in meetings, making decisions and handling conflicts? These agreements are the behavioral expression of the culture the team wants to create and maintain.
Similarly, families are always designing behavioral ground rules and agreements, but may not be clear that this is what they are doing. Agreements about when and how to have dinner and how to have respect are a core part of the DTA for families.
So how to design your own team alliance, whatever team that might be. Here are questions to consider.
Below are six useful questions that will help you design a team alliance:
- What is the space or culture you want to create in this relationship?
- How do you want to feel? (For example, supported, happy, empowered).
- How do you want to behave together when things get difficult or when there is conflict? What conflict protocols would you like to create?
- What would help the relationship to excel and flourish?
- What can your partner/family/team count on from you?
- What will you each commit to for one another?
The DTA is not only a tool for better functioning relationships, but also events. For example, a company may create one around a meeting. A family might design an alliance for when a guest visits.
Regardless of what it’s used for, DTA is a living agreement that should be reviewed and updated as circumstances change.
Finally, it is critical that the DTA is printed and posted, where it can be seen by all members on a regular basis. A DTA is only effective if it is honored.
Featured photo: Unsplash
]]>Consciousness is the real secret to avoid such damage within. It’s a straightforward equation: If I change my perception, my mind changes my beliefs about life, changing the signals that are sent to my body. Being conscious toward how we feel in any given moment, mind and body, is the first initial step to manage any negative thoughts and fears.
Thoughts are happening within body and mind all the time. Yet many people who are sick haven’t noticed how their thoughts and emotions are related.
Children don’t spend time dwelling on injury or illness, how it happened and what might go wrong in association with it later on. For example, when a child is injured, parents attend to the wound, doing whatever is necessary and sending the child back out to play.
As a result, no matter how deep the injury, most of the time it will just heal by itself while the child lives as if nothing is out of the ordinary.
Research increasingly shows that we have more control over our health and bodies than previously thought, not only by making lifestyle changes, but realizing and pursuing the power of positive thinking.
That is why as adults, we need to believe in the power of the mind-body connection. But it’s not always easy. Here are five ways to help yourself not only feel better, but promote healing both inside and out:
- take control of your thoughts, focusing on gratitude and forgiveness, two of the most powerful states of mind;
- be conscious of how negative thoughts feel in your body;
- release any suppressed emotions you might have through an active and healthy lifestyle;
- increase the amount of positive emotions you have by thinking of happy moments and positive thoughts; and
- deepen your spiritual connection and come up with a strong reason for living.
Your inner saboteur prevents you from going forward in your life and your career. Your inner saboteur can become as huge as a mountain, and you’ll feel it in your heart and body; it makes you become hesitant and scared whenever you want to move.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. The inner saboteur does not have to win. Here are eight simple ways I’ve been teaching my clients to battle that nasty voice in their head. Try to implement them whenever you hear yours.
1) Rise above by reminding yourself of your life purpose and ask: Why do you exist? What do you want to achieve? What legacy do you want to leave behind you?
2) Engage your inner captain and crew members. Every person has a leader inside them, a role model who empowers them; crew members are a set of energies that let the leader in you keep moving forward.
3) Simply acknowledge or name the inner saboteur you are hearing and ensure you separate yourself from it. For example, ask yourself, “Now that I’ve heard from my inner saboteur, what do I think?”
4) Ignore the inner saboteur’s voice. Do not interact with it. For example: you plan to look after your health and exercise five times this week, but then the excuses start. In this case tell yourself: “I hear you, saboteur, and I also know I want to feel energetic and to lose 10 pounds, so I will exercise five times this week.”
5) Put your attention on something other than your saboteur.
6) Personify the saboteur. Give the saboteur a name and a life of its own.
7) Remind yourself of your values. Ask what values are being honored or dishonored. This often makes the saboteur disappear.
8) Ask yourself about your vision and what steps you can take to make it happen. One year from now, how do you want it to be?
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